out of my hands

anyone who knows me knows i love being in control and in charge. the boss.
i really hate things like group assignments because i usually take charge right away and end up doing everything because i know i care more than everyone else, and want everything to be perfect.
if i ever find myself in a situation where i have no control, i do not do well.
of coarse, i've found myself in one of those situations. i can do nothing and it kills me. i've had a hard time coping with this situation, but i'm letting god take control and putting all my trust and faith in him.

prayers through this hard time in my life would be greatly appreciated.

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the lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my god, my mountain where i seek refuge. my shield, the horn of my salvation, my stronghold, my refuge, and my savior, you save me from violence.
2 samuel 22:2-3

peace, love, and thanks be to god--
taylor.

loving through annoyance

Righteous are you, O Lord, when I complain to you; yet I would plead my case before you. Why does the way of the wicked prosper? Why do all who are treacherous thrive? You plant them, and they take root; they grow and produce fruit; you are near in their mouth and far from their heart. But you, O Lord, know me; you see me, and test my heart toward you.
-Jeremiah 12:1-2

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So lately a lot of things and people have been getting on my nerves. It's not very hard to get on my nerves but usually I can keep it under control. I don't know why but it's getting really bad. I just want to be my self where no one can bother me. But then i realized everyone loves me for now reason; therefore I have no reason to be so annoyed.

• my parents love me no matter how bratty I am, how much I complain, or how "only-childish" I am.
• my friends love me even though i'm really narcissistic, loud, and obnoxious.
• my grandparents love me even though I hardly get to see them anymore and seem ungrateful for all the wonderful things they have done for me.
  

This was all brought to my attention this weekend when I went home. My cat, Bailey, misses me a lot since I moved out. My mom has to leave my bedroom door cracked now because she would sit and cry at it. Every time I come home she is always with me and, to follow the theme, loves me even though I only get to see her when i come home. But, she loves me anyway.
Despite all my flaws, I have terrific people in my life who love me no matter what. I;m just being selfish, and I need to get over myself.

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Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,
- 1 Peter 5:5-6

peace, love, and thanks be to god--
taylor.

sentimental rememberings

"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let
God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.
Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."
Romans 12:2

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i grew up basically in crossville at the cumberland county playhouse. i can honestly say i would not be the person i am today had i not had the many wonderful experiences i had the opportunity to learn and grow from. from the time i was in 4th grade on up into high school that playhouse was where i felt safe, talented, and special. being a part of it made me feel like i was doing something with my life.

i've always said that i was born in the wrong place. tennessee is just not for me. anyone who knows me knows that. me and the country, we're not close friends. but the city and i, we get along. growing up on stage gave me reason to dream of one day doing something bigger outside my small little corner of the world. although those dreams have changed a little, leaving this place eventually has not.



this year is the 45th anniversary of the playhouse. so i remembering my time there. it all started with honk! i was a rooster. i was short. i was fat. i was freakin adorable, not gonna lie. the show went on forever. like for-ev-er. but i loved every minute of it, warts and all! i fell in love with the playhouse immediately and could not stop. i went on to do the secret garden and then my breakout performance in annie get your gun. agyg will always be special to me. i loved getting to work so close with professional actors and learn from them. even at this small age, i was thankful for the opportunity to do something i love. after agyg there was spirit of the mountains, scrooge (twice), and then cats. cats was fun for me. the spandex was not. the wizard of oz was next followed by beauty and the beast, in which i was an oven mitt, one of my most beloved roles. les mis, a homestead album, and finally joseph! Joseph was the first play i saw at the playhouse and my most favorite. how funny is it that the first play i saw there would be my last to perform in. i was benji and i really got to have fun, both on and off stage. this performance will always be special to me! i was also featured in many dance performances, cabarets, classes, benefits, and was even a showstopper.



but all good things must come to an end, and although my time at the playhouse ended too early for me, i guess god had used me there in all the ways he needed to, and needed me somewhere else. but, the playhouse will always be with me! i am so thankful and blessed to have been given that opportunity to do what i loved for so long! i met some of the best friends i have ever known there, who i still keep in touch with today. i have had more life experiences because of ccp than most people my age, especially those who made fun of me for so long will ever have in their whole life. but what have they done with their life? what are their plans, goals, or dreams? look who's laughing now!

every time i go back to ccp to see a show i think, "i'm in the wrong spot. i should be up there! why are they doing it without me?" it makes me sad, so i don't go back as often as i'd like to.

i guess all i'm trying to say is, do what makes you happy and enjoy it for as long as god allows you to do so. you never know when you won't get the chance to anymore. i also just want to thank god for sending me to ccp and making me the person i am today.



so what's next for the brilliant taylor reese? of coarse i'll be a very rich and successful lawyer in boston. but maybe, just maybe, i'll be giving kids the opportunity to make their dreams come true.

so thank you playhouse, thank you everyone i met there, and thank you god, for bringing out my talents and allowing me to dream.

peace, love, and thanks be to god--
taylor.

no storm can shake my inmost calm.

So I’m pretty much a scaredy cat. I’m afraid of a lot of things! Crickets, clowns, heights. But my biggest fear is thunderstorms. I can remember the exact day when this fear entered my life. In first grade there was apparently a real bad storm and they were expecting tornados. The teachers sent all the students to sit it the hall, just in case. Since we were so little they told us we were going to “read books.” Whatever… but they finally explained to us the situation, and it terrified me. Nothing happened, but from then on even the mention of a storm scared me to death.

My fear got so bad that I would not leave the house if I knew it was going to storm, and if it did storm I would work myself up into tears every time. My parents even talked about taking me to counseling, therapy, or even getting me hypnotized to lose this irrational fear. In middle school and even on in to high school I would obsessively check the weather forecast. If I knew it was going to storm bad I would fake sick so I could go home. For some reason being at home was the only place I felt truly safe.

Growing up, everyone has their “security blankets,” something that comforts them in times of fear or anxiety. For some it’s a stuffed animal, for others it’s a nightlight, but for me, mine was literally a blanket. I took my blanket everywhere. And there was even a special way of holding my blanket. There was a corner that was frayed a little bit, so I would stick that corner up my nose, with my thumb in my mouth, and I would hardly ever stray from this position. I know this is hard to believe but I was really shy when I was little, and this seemed to help me, especially when it stormed. As I grew up, I learned to live without my blanket or sucking my thumb, and I replaced it with a new form of security and comfort— God.

In choir last year, we sang a song called “How Can I Keep From Singing.” This song talked about all the wonders of our Lord and no matter what we’re going through, we should always praise his name. In the song, there was the following line-- “No storm can shake my inmost calm, while to that rock I’m clinging.” I knew this was true long before I joined the Wesley choir, started college, or even high school, really.

By putting all my trust and faith in God, I knew he would deliver me through the storm.

Psalm 46:1-3,7says—

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold.

So although I may never get over my fear or storms 100%, I will always have faith that God will see me through them all. And whatever your personal storm may be, he will see you through it as well.

Isaiah 41:10--

‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

peace, love, and thanks be to god--

taylor.

waterfalls and canada.

short.sweet.and to the point today.

went to cummins falls yesterday. it was really nice outside! then continued with the outside theme and went to thomas andrews for supper to celebrate canada. i had delicious fish! then we baked a little back at wesley. it was a really great day. everyone is leaving cookeville this weekend so i think i'll follow suit and head back to monterey for a couple days. should be nice-- miss the rents.

oh! i also found out today that i got an interview at averitt next week. so pray that goes well-- i really need a job!

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when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. for you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. so let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

-- James 1:2-4

peace, love and thanks be to god.
-- taylor.

amazing grace.

today i went to visit my great-grandma in the nursing home for the first time in quite a while. i've never been a fan of nursing homes, but i realized that if i didn't go soon i would regret it later.
she will be one hundred in the fall, which amazes me still. i have very fond memories of her. going to her house and playing checkers on the "cracker barrel" style checker board. sitting on her porch watching the squirrel that come eat peanuts from her hand. no joke. she made the best mac n cheese ever! end of story. she is also probably the person i look up to the most as a christian example.
that is how i want to always remember her, not her in the nursing home. it made me real sad and i cried. i always cry. she kept telling me how "sweet and pretty" i am. which is true. and she was still as funny as ever. but what really got me was right before i left she told me that when she gets better i can come over and she'll make mac n cheese for me. that's when i lost it and couldn't stay any more.
i thank god that my family and i have had her this long. i really believe that god did some amazing work through her and that work is still being done.

that's all for today because i'm crying again.

peace, love, and thanks be to god--

taylor.

rain. last year. and blogs.

it's raining, and this is my first blog.
so welcome! i'll try to make this as interesting as possible. i'm not much of a writer, but i'll give it my best shot. it was pointed out to me that i don't share very much, so i figured this was a good way to help me do that.

so to catch you up on the extraordinary life that is lived by me: I just finished my freshman year at tech. after changing my major twice i finally found the right one for me-- speech! everyone makes fun of me, especially my family, but i love it and i can't imagine studying anything else. i want to go to law school. where? i'm not sure. i want to get out of tennessee and experience someplace new. that i know.
i also recently just moved out on my own... kinda. i'm away from my family and out of monterey for the first time. i love it. it's not like i thought it would be.



i never thought i would be in the place where i am now. after graduating everyone told me that i would lose touch with my friends from high school. i didn't really believe them. i thought me and my friends could last. surely we could do it. but we're all on different paths now, going different places, doing different things, and i hardly talk to any of those friends anymore. which makes me sad. a year and half ago it would have devastated me, but today, today i'm okay with it. the people that i hung out with and went to when i needed someone are gone now, and i hate to use the word "replaced" but i've got new people that fill those shoes now. and i'm happy. that's a sentence i love saying: i'm happy. still miss those guys though...



so i never thought that i could grow so much in just one year. the first is learning that things are going to change whether i like it or not, and it's a good thing sometimes. the next and probably most important is my relationship with god. i've always had one but it has strengthened so much this year, thanks to the wesley foundation. wesley had given me opportunities that i never saw myself doing or having. being a part of the wesley singers is both a dream come true and blessing in disguise. i've always wanted to be a part of the choir ever since i was little but i didnt really have any other aspects of wesley in mind. choir got me wesley and the people and experiences helped keep me there. seeing the joy we bring to people is probably my favorite part. i love being a part of something bigger than myself. mission trip was another thing i'm glad i did. i've never really been a fan of manual labor but on this trip i just did it, without complaining, and fun the whole time. which surprised me. i would do it again in a heartbeat. and a great end to a great year was choir tour-- baltimore. i could talk about this trip forever but i'll just say it really opened my eyes, opened my heart, and opened my mind.

i'm going to try to keep up with this. if you've read this far i owe you such a muffin basket! i look forward to things coming up in my life and i look forward to sharing it with the world!

peace, love, and thanks be to god--

taylor.